21ST CENTURY MARRIAGE SAGA.

I have a few friends who have walked down the aisle and some who are about to but I discovered most times they are faced with a few dramas which comes from their parents because they want to be sure they are making the right decisions. So I decided to give my own two cent on the dramas too(winks).

I have grown up to know that my parents blessing on my marriage is important or rather I was taught to know that my parents blessing on my marriage is important. When I talk about their blessing what do I mean?..... Their accepting the suitor I bring home which translate to a sincere prayer from the heart from them.

I also know that my parents know more than me because they have lived longer on earth and have acquired great wisdom (there is a saying that what an elder can see at the top of a  tree while sitting a child can climb that tree and still not see it). I also know that my parents cannot always get it right solely for this reasons and I also know that we are in the 21st century( does that ring a bell.... Lol).

I have heard a few people give reasons why their parents would not accept a spouse they bring home for reasons that I consider to be trivial (I stand to be corrected..... though I doubt anyone can really convince me lol) and we have gone past the centuries when parents marry for their children. While I understand their stand to want to make sure their children are making the right decisions I begin to wonder if they are not conditioning or putting too much pressure on these children which could lead to the kind of decision they are trying to avoid in the first place.

It's not also in our culture to elope and expect a warm embrace or a pat on the back when you get back but I have heard and seen people who defy their parents and I also know that defying comes with bigger dramas which takes a lot of energy and too much sapping of emotions from both parties.

So I have been thinking about the best possible way to avoid all these dramas. How do we reconcile with parents who bring up issues like race, church/mosque he/she attends, social status, state, country, tribe, some certain customs and beliefs e.t.c (I am not saying these issues are not important but I consider them trivial) as compared to compatibility, commitment, honesty, sincere heart, love, care, loyalty, faithfulness, understanding, communication e.t.c.

The world is becoming a global village and a lot of changes have set in and more will still come in. I really don't know the best way to avoid all these drama (I really wish I knew) but we must not forget our core values (respecting our parents). I just believe there should be a way to win our parents heart without too much drama when we are faced with such issues. But we must do it lovingly.

Love conquers all so we must act from the angle of love to win.

Agree or disagree, comments are welcomed. Kisses and hugs.

MY TWO CENT TO SINGLE LADIES

Marriage changes a lot of things for people, most especially the ladies. While some people may think that I have no right to say this because I have not experienced married life, but you all will agree with me on this.

This is the order in which as ladies you should plan your life.  Education, career, love and marriage. I should say this that there are some exceptional cases but they are rare.

For the ladies who want an education, it’s better to get it before marriage but if you don’t, you may never find the time after marriage to go back to that path.

For the ladies who have an education and want a career, make sure you are on your career path before marriage because after marriage and the children start coming in, you may never find the time to go back and build a career.

For the ladies who want to find love, get an education and get a career. This will help you define the Kind of man you want to end up with and believe me every guy wants a posh girl but no guy wants to end up with a lady that will become a liability to them.

Finally, it’s the dream of every lady to be married. Make sure you get all three: Education, career and love before settling down.

It’s very important you define a path for yourself and be on that path so you find purpose and fulfillment in life if not you end up living the path of your spouse which may never be fulfilling.

Agree or disagree, opinions are welcomed (kisses and hug).

TOKE MAKINWA'S "ON BECOMING" BOOK REVIEW.

From the very first time toke launched her book and I read a few excerpts, I knew in my mind that I wanted to do a review of her book. There has been mixed reactions from people on her book and I believe she expected it.

On becoming is a can’t-drop-till-I-am-done-book and I must applaud toke for her strength. Life threw lemons at her and she made lemonades out of it. She did a very good job telling her story same time driving home her message.

Majorly my concentration will be on why she stayed with her ex with all the obvious signs. I once asked a group of friends if love is strength or weakness and they all said strength. Reading, you can tell toke grew up from a very strong Christian background with parents who love their children and then having to lose all that at a very young age, she was forced to grow up. She was lucky she had her big mummy to take over even though she didn’t make it easy for them but I guess she needed something more.                


Toke took alot from her ex and a friend of mine told me she did all that for the fame and money but I think not. Ranging from cheating (which is a major deal breaker for most people), left her at the court twice, sex tape with another woman and you say all that for money. From all she said she was doing fine herself. Also even if all toke’s friends are bad, I am sure there is that one friend who will stick it out with her and gave her reasons to leave her ex but she still stayed till she said I do.


So why did she stay?
I in particular have reservations for relationships that last longer than necessary. You are not sealing the deal but you are still together. For me it’s like you are not sure of that person, just marking time. Toke has known her ex for more than ten years. From her teenage years till the marriage eventually crashed. Apart from the obvious fact that she loved him deeply there is something else about women who stay long in relationships. I read this somewhere and then I took note of all my friends who are finding it difficult to walk out of their relationship and I saw it’s true. When women get into relationships they show you their best part and their purpose and then the man loves them for that. It gets to a point they start to feel threatened about the relationship breaking so all that comes to mind is wanting to become all that he wants so he does not look outside. Loosing who you really are as a person. She said she bleached her skin because she felt the reason he was cheating was because he liked light skinned girls. She also agreed to do a sex tape with him even if she had her own fears about doing a sex tape but she did all for him. At that point most times for the woman it all about the man.

When some women love, I can’t help but say they help their man fan his ego by staying when they should leave. Most men end up taking it for granted. Toke did help fan his ego. I watched his video after the break up and you can tell from his body language that he regrets his actions. A baby is involved now. He has to be a daddy to another lady’s son. I guess for her then was the time to leave. What more is left to fight for. Someone once told me that if you have no control over your emotions then you are doomed. You don’t let your heart rule over your brain. That was her greatest weakness and then waiting to be accepted by her ex, forgetting herself in the process but in it all she became a pretty fine woman (lol allow my English).

Agree or disagree, your thoughts are welcomed