NAIVENESS 101.

If I ever get a chance to do better something that I did in the past, then I want to be better at what I have come to realise people term naive.

Talking about this from the angle of relationship, I have come to realise 9 out of every 10 guy walking on the street has screwed thoughts on how to act in a relationship and 9 out of every 10 lady walking on the street has the same screwed thoughts

For someone like me who came into the dating ring quite late because it seem there is a certain age when you should have gotten into a relationship.....eyes rolling,  I just set my mind on doing every other thing while I got myself acquainted with relationship books, other people's relationship story and all the best possible solutions to relationship issues. I got so good at this that I would even counsel a few friends when they have issues in their relationship........but believe me when I say theory is different from practical.

My first relationship was not the perfect relationship (I don't know if there is any such thing as perfect relationship) but I was not someone without a clear head on the kind of relationship I wanted or how I wanted my relationship. Putting all the theories into practical was not easy but I gave it my best try.

First relationships are believed to be the eye opener. Brings you out of a state of being "naive", untouched, pure heart e.t.c. And then we find a lot of people change their initial pure state to match the so called worldly experience they are faced with or will be faced with.

While I know that it is not an easy task to win "worldly experience" with "niaiveness" but you don't also get the best result with doing worldly experience for worldly experience.

When I talk naiveness what do I mean?,I mean Sincerity, commitment, intelligent, honesty, loyalty, truthfulness, innocence, open minded with simple wishes, humility, smartness etc Without the helplessness and timidity that is in the original definition of naive.

I am in shock as to what worldly experience mean and the rate at wish people are running towards that angle. We have it as lies, manipulation, dishonesty, unfaithfulness etc and 9 out of every 10 male or female has their minds functioning like this, 9 out of every 10 wants to do worldly for worldly.

We all make our choices in life. While I will not tell you how to live your life, I just wish we could have less people having screwed thoughts that is why I put this write up together. I remember when I was in junior high school, I was taught in integrated science that like poles repel and opposite poles attract.  You don't win lies with more lies, it just get messy,. You win lies with sincerity. So also you don't win dishonesty with dishonesty, you only win dishonesty with honesty.

So after my first relationship ended, I made up my mind to maintain that initial state of mind that I had before I got into any relationship. I even made up my mind to be better committed, honest, caring, loyal, loving etc. It's not gonna be easy and it's not been easy but nobody told me it was ever going to be easy.

My wish is for anybody who reads this to make the choice that I made. So I beg that we help my wish come true (smiles). That way we could have a less toxic environment filled with people with screwed thoughts...... lol.

Comments are welcomed and let us pls share this with others........kisses and hugs.

HURTBAE

I have been trying really hard to avoid talking about relationships, but I discovered it's inevitable if I will be doing general talks and writings.  Relationships are the basic unit of human co-existence either father-daugther, mother-son, brother-sister, boyfriend-girlfriend, hubby-wifey e.t.c. sigh........ So I give in (laughs). Let me just blow my trumpet a little (and this is for your ears only..........i am a love expert lol). Did I just say that (eyes rolling......lol). I am just like my friend Olaf.......winks.

So there is this video that has gone viral about two exes who confronted each other on infidelity (#hurtbae). The after effect of watching that video was that I was mute for a while. She had loved him, he had taken her for granted and she was hurt. I don't want to go into women are naturally like this and men have this and that in their DNA...........sigh I have done that before.She had questions to ask or probably had little hope that there is something left of the relationship when she agreed to do that video but either ways she needed the answer to help her move on. Sigh.....this is now like a trend in relationships , I have seen it happen before and trust me when I say it didn't happen in a movie (lol).


I want to say that it is easy for people on the other end to say oh.......she should have done this, she should have left when he did that, I can't accept that from no body. Seriously......really, you think she never thought of all that?, you think she never for once knew what the right thing was for her to do?...... It takes all your sanity put together to walk out of a toxic relationship when you truly love that person. I read the comment session and I had a good laugh at some of the reaction but really nobody should curse out at him or her because you never know what you will do if you find your self in such a relationship

We see the power of choice play out here, he cheated, his choice....... She stayed, her choice.........he hurt her, a reaction from his choice to cheat........she hurt herself, a reaction from her her choice to stay. While we have no choice to choose what happens in our relatioship, we have a choice to choose how we are treated, what we accept, what not to accept which eventaully leads to how the relationship turns out.

He had asked her a question that caught my attention....he said "why didn't you leave when you could not bring yourself to trust me again rather than put yourself through the trouble of snooping" and she said "I guess I was stupid". I read this somewhere and it said "immaturity is when you are stupid and you don't know you are while maturity is when  you are stupid and you know you are". Funny as it sounds but it's true but I don't agree with her on her answer of being stupid but then it's true that when you truly love someone you take all they throw at you just to have that little moment of happiness with them or have them stay in your life a little longer no matter how much it hurts you. I guess that is the basic reason why we are having history repeat itself in toxic relationship.

Agree or disagree comments are welcomed.....xoxo.

TOKE MAKINWA'S "ON BECOMING" BOOK REVIEW.

From the very first time toke launched her book and I read a few excerpts, I knew in my mind that I wanted to do a review of her book. There has been mixed reactions from people on her book and I believe she expected it.

On becoming is a can’t-drop-till-I-am-done-book and I must applaud toke for her strength. Life threw lemons at her and she made lemonades out of it. She did a very good job telling her story same time driving home her message.

Majorly my concentration will be on why she stayed with her ex with all the obvious signs. I once asked a group of friends if love is strength or weakness and they all said strength. Reading, you can tell toke grew up from a very strong Christian background with parents who love their children and then having to lose all that at a very young age, she was forced to grow up. She was lucky she had her big mummy to take over even though she didn’t make it easy for them but I guess she needed something more.                


Toke took alot from her ex and a friend of mine told me she did all that for the fame and money but I think not. Ranging from cheating (which is a major deal breaker for most people), left her at the court twice, sex tape with another woman and you say all that for money. From all she said she was doing fine herself. Also even if all toke’s friends are bad, I am sure there is that one friend who will stick it out with her and gave her reasons to leave her ex but she still stayed till she said I do.


So why did she stay?
I in particular have reservations for relationships that last longer than necessary. You are not sealing the deal but you are still together. For me it’s like you are not sure of that person, just marking time. Toke has known her ex for more than ten years. From her teenage years till the marriage eventually crashed. Apart from the obvious fact that she loved him deeply there is something else about women who stay long in relationships. I read this somewhere and then I took note of all my friends who are finding it difficult to walk out of their relationship and I saw it’s true. When women get into relationships they show you their best part and their purpose and then the man loves them for that. It gets to a point they start to feel threatened about the relationship breaking so all that comes to mind is wanting to become all that he wants so he does not look outside. Loosing who you really are as a person. She said she bleached her skin because she felt the reason he was cheating was because he liked light skinned girls. She also agreed to do a sex tape with him even if she had her own fears about doing a sex tape but she did all for him. At that point most times for the woman it all about the man.

When some women love, I can’t help but say they help their man fan his ego by staying when they should leave. Most men end up taking it for granted. Toke did help fan his ego. I watched his video after the break up and you can tell from his body language that he regrets his actions. A baby is involved now. He has to be a daddy to another lady’s son. I guess for her then was the time to leave. What more is left to fight for. Someone once told me that if you have no control over your emotions then you are doomed. You don’t let your heart rule over your brain. That was her greatest weakness and then waiting to be accepted by her ex, forgetting herself in the process but in it all she became a pretty fine woman (lol allow my English).

Agree or disagree, your thoughts are welcomed