THE DAY BEFORE SHE SAID I DO.

Last weekend, I attended the wedding of a very very very very very very (the very can continue..... Lol)  close friend. A friend close to my heart.

I woke up a day to the wedding feeling anxious about my clothe with my tailor that I have to wear for the occasion. Days before that morning I was not bothered about the clothe and I just suddenly felt I shouldn't have chosen that style, it may be too complex, she may not give me a perfect job etc (lolz.......i don't know if anybody has felt this way before or why I felt that way but I just feel it's partly because I am not really a traditional atire kind of person.).

Putting that thought aside, I set out for the day. All I had for that day was to put finishing touches to all the plans that have been set down already. My first point of call was the market. I needed to get her a gift (Courtesy me and a few friends) and then proceeded to my tailors place. After seeing my clothe and of course testing it to make sure it fits, that was all I needed to make my day. It was perfect (lol..... I wondered why I bothered in the first place and started hoboured the idea of getting more natives). Next was to visit the bride to be. So i called and she told me she was making her hair and can wait for her in the house.

Getting to her house, the first welcome was the aroma of party food (we all know how it is, I made sure to take a deep breath. Lol..... Usually I love that aroma). That aroma for me signifies celebration. Right there I remembered an argument I had with a friend over which rice was sweeter "wedding or burial". While I stuck my foot down and said wedding rice was sweeter, she said burial was sweeter. Well till now I still hold on to my believe "wedding rice"........ Lol.

Greeting the people I met outside I went inside the house to wait for her. I am no longer a guest in her house but I was still offered something to drink. Her arrival was announced by the children in the compound when they kept shouting aunty precious, aunty precious (lol). So I chorused with them when I saw her open the door aunty precious and she said onyeje (she is the only one I know who calls me by my surname and has a way of reminding me of my roots.......lol).

We spoke briefly and then she was getting ready to leave for the hotel where she was to lodge. Stepping out again the children kept saying "where are you going to", "we will miss you" etc. It sounded like she was going to a very far place, a different place and she was leaving them behind (smiles.....). And then we met another set of women before we got to the gate. She greeted them and the oldest amongst them (I presume so though) started to pray for her. She knelt down and everybody was saying amen. Watching that scene from a little distance and saying amen too was what touched me to put this write up together. I realise she can never have too much of this prayers and really she was going on a different journey. Alone without her parents and she needed as much of this prayers as possible.

While walking to the bus stop she then asked me if this is how it is (lol.... I wonder why she was asking me a single. I just laughed and said yes whether that is the right response or not). When we got to her lodge there was preparation already for her bridal shower but I had to be unavoidably absent. So she showered and walked me to the bus stop.

On the d-day while doing my make up I realised I love Yoruba weddings. Haven attended both Igbo and Yoruba weddings, I feel Yoruba weddings are more interesting. This is not to say any one is better than the other, it's just my preference. When I got to the venue, there was druming and dancing already. The engagement had started and the bride was there already so I gave her one shot before going into the hall.

The hall was well decorated and had a welcoming ambience. A few friends where there already so we greeted and chatted. Everything was in place. People everywhere, music, food, smiles and laugh on people faces, gifts, cake( I love cakes, have I said that before....lol), drinks, live band, flowers, etc. And the photographer was just awesome. He was just giving us different snapping positions eg lying down, bending, kneeling......lol. In all it was a beautiful ceremony.

One of my then coursemate said I know precious to be a very quiet person. She will just be smiling but look at how she is dancing today. I laughed and thought since it is a once in a life time event, she has to dance it all out.

Thank you very much for reading and let us remember to subscribe to my blog, follow me on Google or subscribe by email to be the first to  get my writings. For my facebook friends just click on the main link to direct you to my blog page so you can also subscribe or see more writings. Kisses.

Comments are always welcomed......xoxo.

NAIVENESS 101.

If I ever get a chance to do better something that I did in the past, then I want to be better at what I have come to realise people term naive.

Talking about this from the angle of relationship, I have come to realise 9 out of every 10 guy walking on the street has screwed thoughts on how to act in a relationship and 9 out of every 10 lady walking on the street has the same screwed thoughts

For someone like me who came into the dating ring quite late because it seem there is a certain age when you should have gotten into a relationship.....eyes rolling,  I just set my mind on doing every other thing while I got myself acquainted with relationship books, other people's relationship story and all the best possible solutions to relationship issues. I got so good at this that I would even counsel a few friends when they have issues in their relationship........but believe me when I say theory is different from practical.

My first relationship was not the perfect relationship (I don't know if there is any such thing as perfect relationship) but I was not someone without a clear head on the kind of relationship I wanted or how I wanted my relationship. Putting all the theories into practical was not easy but I gave it my best try.

First relationships are believed to be the eye opener. Brings you out of a state of being "naive", untouched, pure heart e.t.c. And then we find a lot of people change their initial pure state to match the so called worldly experience they are faced with or will be faced with.

While I know that it is not an easy task to win "worldly experience" with "niaiveness" but you don't also get the best result with doing worldly experience for worldly experience.

When I talk naiveness what do I mean?,I mean Sincerity, commitment, intelligent, honesty, loyalty, truthfulness, innocence, open minded with simple wishes, humility, smartness etc Without the helplessness and timidity that is in the original definition of naive.

I am in shock as to what worldly experience mean and the rate at wish people are running towards that angle. We have it as lies, manipulation, dishonesty, unfaithfulness etc and 9 out of every 10 male or female has their minds functioning like this, 9 out of every 10 wants to do worldly for worldly.

We all make our choices in life. While I will not tell you how to live your life, I just wish we could have less people having screwed thoughts that is why I put this write up together. I remember when I was in junior high school, I was taught in integrated science that like poles repel and opposite poles attract.  You don't win lies with more lies, it just get messy,. You win lies with sincerity. So also you don't win dishonesty with dishonesty, you only win dishonesty with honesty.

So after my first relationship ended, I made up my mind to maintain that initial state of mind that I had before I got into any relationship. I even made up my mind to be better committed, honest, caring, loyal, loving etc. It's not gonna be easy and it's not been easy but nobody told me it was ever going to be easy.

My wish is for anybody who reads this to make the choice that I made. So I beg that we help my wish come true (smiles). That way we could have a less toxic environment filled with people with screwed thoughts...... lol.

Comments are welcomed and let us pls share this with others........kisses and hugs.

21ST CENTURY MARRIAGE SAGA.

I have a few friends who have walked down the aisle and some who are about to but I discovered most times they are faced with a few dramas which comes from their parents because they want to be sure they are making the right decisions. So I decided to give my own two cent on the dramas too(winks).

I have grown up to know that my parents blessing on my marriage is important or rather I was taught to know that my parents blessing on my marriage is important. When I talk about their blessing what do I mean?..... Their accepting the suitor I bring home which translate to a sincere prayer from the heart from them.

I also know that my parents know more than me because they have lived longer on earth and have acquired great wisdom (there is a saying that what an elder can see at the top of a  tree while sitting a child can climb that tree and still not see it). I also know that my parents cannot always get it right solely for this reasons and I also know that we are in the 21st century( does that ring a bell.... Lol).

I have heard a few people give reasons why their parents would not accept a spouse they bring home for reasons that I consider to be trivial (I stand to be corrected..... though I doubt anyone can really convince me lol) and we have gone past the centuries when parents marry for their children. While I understand their stand to want to make sure their children are making the right decisions I begin to wonder if they are not conditioning or putting too much pressure on these children which could lead to the kind of decision they are trying to avoid in the first place.

It's not also in our culture to elope and expect a warm embrace or a pat on the back when you get back but I have heard and seen people who defy their parents and I also know that defying comes with bigger dramas which takes a lot of energy and too much sapping of emotions from both parties.

So I have been thinking about the best possible way to avoid all these dramas. How do we reconcile with parents who bring up issues like race, church/mosque he/she attends, social status, state, country, tribe, some certain customs and beliefs e.t.c (I am not saying these issues are not important but I consider them trivial) as compared to compatibility, commitment, honesty, sincere heart, love, care, loyalty, faithfulness, understanding, communication e.t.c.

The world is becoming a global village and a lot of changes have set in and more will still come in. I really don't know the best way to avoid all these drama (I really wish I knew) but we must not forget our core values (respecting our parents). I just believe there should be a way to win our parents heart without too much drama when we are faced with such issues. But we must do it lovingly.

Love conquers all so we must act from the angle of love to win.

Agree or disagree, comments are welcomed. Kisses and hugs.

CYBER DATING.

I was on facebook some few days back and my aunty chatted me up, I went on facebook messenger to reply her when I noticed a part with filtered messages. I decided to check  the content and saw old messages that I never got around to reply. I just kept laughing at how absurd some of those messages were.

Clearly I am not a fan of cyber dating and I think it is immaturity for people who search for love on social media. I remember when I first opened a facebook account the messages (which were mostly from guys) were much worse then, than now. I think people are beginning to mature or learn that not everything looks as it seems. (no offense to the guys reading.... Lol).

I have this policy of not replying messages if I thought you over stepping your boundaries (though I hardly chat on those social media I consider to be very public) and just believe friends on social media should stay on social media (I accept if some people should say that I am rigid, well that's fine.....lol).

I accept anybody who sends me request on my social media account except for accounts that I consider to be very personal (whatsapp and Bbm) but then I don't think I know up to 15% of friends personally who are my friends on social media (so some people may think that why did I accept them or why did they send the request in the first place????).

I consider social media a place to interact and share ideas and not a place to search for love. It's appaling because I wonder if people who do it have searched around them. Wikipedia said "Social media are computer-mediated technologies that facilitate the creation and sharing of
information , ideas, career interests and other forms of expression via virtual communities and networks" (well defined... Winks). So this is my major reason for accepting people I don't know, not replying people who try to get all personal and as for those who send the request.....well I don't know lol.

I remember one guy got so angry and sent me a message that it took me more than two years to accept his request and ever since then he has been sending me several hellos that I did not reply him. He did not even wait for me to reply his message when I noticed he deleted me ( lol........what he did not know was there was a time I stayed off social media for a long time and when I got back I had so many requests and messages. It took me long to go through all of the request and messages) while I don't think I owed him an apology I just thought why did he take it so personal..... ROFL.

I consider life on social media fake and there are so many insincere people there. The original concept behind social media has been misused and people see it now as a place to show off. I never take it to heart. I never take anything I find there real likewise the search for love there. I know someone is thinking "but I heard of stories of people who found true love there" (there is always an exception to the rule and they are one out the 100 many who got themselves into cyber dating).

While I don't expect you to agree with me on my thoughts if you want to search for love on social media but I just wish you will be more thoughtful and matured about your decision.

Comments are welcomed.......xoxo.

ON UPBRINGING.

I was having a chat with my neighbor on upbringing and the right attitude of children in the home, then she quoted the popular scripture people like to quote "train up a child in the way he should go that when he is old, he will not depart from it".

Then I remembered a long time ago someone said the same scripture but asked a question that stucked in my brain till today. He said when the Bible said train on the way the child should go, that who really knows the way a child should go. I haven't really thought much about it after that day.

But really who knows the way a child should go; mother, father, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunty,  society, environment, school, the community, age group, peer group, teachers, neighbors, friends e.t.c. The list can go on.

We have seen over time and it has been repeated severally some children get the best of home training but derailed when they got older,  we have seen some children whose parents have bad attitude themselves but has the best character like they got the best home training ever.

Some parents are hard on their children thinking its the best way to put them on the right part while some handle them with Care thinking also that it is the best way to put them on the right part. Don't get me wrong all on the list above has influence on a child life but there is a greater influence. Some people just say that scripture like its a parable without even knowing that it's a passage in the Bible. There is only one great influence on our life and that is "our creator". He is the one that knows the right way we should go and he help mould our lives to take that route so that when we are old we will not depart from it.

Agree or disagree comments are welcomed......kisses and hugs.